Remember
by jimmyfan
Summary: Chapter 2 added. Catherine and Jim chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Remember

Disclaimer. I do not own CSI or any of the characters.

A Jim Brass/Catherine Willows fic. based the CSI Season 4 Episode, "Feeling the Heat". I just had a feeling that when Jim was talking about the Detective back in Jersey who had an infant with Tay Sachs disease that he was really talking about himself. I also felt it could have explained his strained relationship with his ex-wife and Ellie's conception.

Catherine Willows was standing in Gil Grissom's office with the upgraded charges of the infant's death from simple child endangerment to Homicide.

Looking at her notes was her supervisor, Gil Grissom. "The parents decided to lock the baby in the hot car because they thought the baby boy also had the Tay Sachs Disease as did their first born child who died of the disease." He said as he processed the information.

"That's right. They saw some of the symptoms of the Disease and didn't even wait for their own Doctor's report to come back. They were convinced that the baby had the disease and that they were in fact performing a mercy killing. Instead the baby had been exposed to some of the pesticides that the Mother had used at work site and home garden which mimicked the Tay

Sachs disease. Well the DA wanted a conviction in this case and he's certainly getting one." Catherine said as she slapped her fists on top Grissom's desk top in frustration.

"Catherine, you need to calm down. I examined your and Brass's notes on the case. You did well in interpreting all the clues. Both of you handled yourself well in the interrogation. Why don't you go ahead and clock out and go home. "

"Thank's Gil. I think I will do that. I just wished that Lindsey was as home. I swallowed my pride and allowed Sam to pay for her to go Lady Dell's Summer Camp for girls for two weeks. She's gone up to the Mountains and away from this insufferable heat."

"Did she appreciate the injury to your pride?" Asking her fellow Scientist.

"No are you kidding, Gil. She's a young girl. She complained about how I was ripping her away from all of her friends in Las Vegas to send her to the middle of nowhere."

"I will clock out but I think I'll check on Jim. He was somewhat silent ever since he found out that the Suspects's first child had Tay Sachs. He mentioned that he knew a Detective from Jersey who had lost a child to Tay Sachs. It must have brought up painful moments for him."

"Catherine, I think you are right. Jim stated he was going over to Bert's when the shift ended. Also one fact about Jim that may not be aware. He has a habit of referring to himself in the third person when he is talking about his past. Particularly if it's painful to him."

"I'll try to remember that advice."


	2. Chapter 2

Remembrance Part 2

Scene 1: Bert's Place

Catherine Willows enters the bar expecting to see Detective Jim Brass at the bar but instead finds him at t the all you can eat buffet.

"Hey, Jim. I thought you came her for the booze not the food." she joked.

"Hey Cath. Well you know. I always eat before I plan to do any heavy drinking. I learned that in Vice back in Jersey. Especially after that couple we had tonight. So what are you doing here. The case got to you as well I see." He replied with a sad reply.

"Yeah, I think I can do with some heavy drinking too. Lindsey is out of town. And I thought you may be up for a little company tonight. How about it?" She asked.

Catherine watched as a several emotions played out on the detective's face before he answered. "Hey why not. But I warn you I may not be good company tonight. That case really is brought me down with some unpleasant memories for me."

"Well Ok let me get a plate and I will join you. I hear that they make the best barbecue and chili in Las Vegas. This according to Nicky who being a Texan should know his stuff. So what's your favorite here."

"For me it's the shepherd's pie. My mother may have been Italian but my father was of Irish and French descent. I grew up with my Mother's pizza and pasta dishes during the week and my Father's shepherd's pie on Saturday. A couple times a month I stop in for some of Bert's shepherd pie in honor of my Father. Bert tells me that with me around the pie will stay on the menu. My only other wish for Las Vegas is to find a decent pizza parlor so that I can honor my Mother."

Scene 2: After dinner.

Jim and Catherine are now sitting in one of the outside booths that line Bert's place. A waiter has since removed the two empty plates and brought them their drinks to the table. A double scotch on the rocks for Jim and a Drambuie for Catherine.

"Jim, I talked to Gil about the case." Catherine began.

"Oh, well of course you did. I mean he is your supervisor. So what did the bug man say. Did we pass the muster."

"Yeah we did. He was glad we found out that it was actually not a simple case of child neglect. The DA was going to charge the father with a homicide regardless if it was child neglect or the premeditation that it actually was. What's you take on the case?. You did say it was a painful reminder of that Detective back in Jersey. Are you unhappy that the parents are being charged?"

Asked Catherine.

"What do you think. I am glad the parents were caught. They were too quick to give up on their second child. I mean if they hadn't jumped to the conclusion that their second child had Tay Sach's the second child would still be alive in kicking. I could never give up on a child. I could never give up on a child even if it was fatal." Jim turned his face away then continued. "Why the third degree Catherine. You know I would never let anything in my past influence me in my the operations of my duty."

"I know that Jim. It's just that when the word Tay Sach's came up you became somewhat withdrawn and I was worried. That and the fact Grissom told me that you sometimes refer to yourself in the third party. He felt that maybe you were in fact the detective in Jersey. It would explain why you're here and planning to drink." Explained the blond CSI.

"Gil said that. Oh man. OK now I've said it before and I will say it again. Gil Grissom's one of the scariest man that I have met in my entire life. No one can keep a secret or private life around that guy."

"So it was you. I am sorry."

"Yeah Cath. I was the detective. I just made detective in Vice when my twin boys, John and Alan, were diagnosed with the Tay Sachs. I took off a year from the force to help my wife who well became a basket case to put it mildly. At first I prayed every night that by some miracle they would be spared later I just prayed that they would not have any pain. After they died, my Wife, Nancy, told me that she did not want anymore children. It just tore her up when she lost them. She wanted me to have a vasectomy telling me that we could always adopt. I agreed."

Catherine gasped. "You agreed. Jim I have heard parents who lose their children often make strange request of their mates. It was just the grief talking. I mean you both have Ellie."

"Yeah. What I didn't know is when my wife stated she didn't want any more children she was only saying she didn't want anymore children with me. You see about six months after I had the vasectomy, Nancy came to me and stated that she did want children. She wanted me to get the vasectomy reversed. Well something didn't seem right but I loved my wife and I said yes. The doctor who did the reversal was my wife's brother, Richard. A week later Richard told me the reversal was a success. Nancy was pregnant with Ellie, my miracle baby. Or so I thought. Nancy had been having an affair on and off for three years with a fellow police officer. The affair started when I was still in the marines. I found out when Ellie was two years of age that I was not really her father. I knew deep down that Nancy and I were through but could not bring myself to divorce her. I was too worried about Ellie who still saw me as Dad. Nancy had no qualms about divorcing me however when she found out that I had found a girlfriend on the side. Thus to Ellie I was her father who cheated on her Mother. That is what her Mother told her anyway. I never set Ellie straight."

"Damn, Jim. I know you once told me that you were burned bad in your marriage but I didn't quite believe you. I mean after I caught Eddie cheating on me I thought all men who cheats on their wives as deserving what they got. I guess I didn't give you a fair chance. You didn't deserve your marriage to fail. You certainly deserved better."

"Well, There has been some good that came out of it. I just hope that if Ellie ever finds out that I am not her biological father, she will always be my little girl. She has no idea how she helped me during some rough times back in New Jersey by just calling me on the phone when she was a little girl and saying 'Hey Dad, Guess what I did in school.' My prayers now a days are solely for her to get clean and get her life together." Jim finished his scotch in a gulp. "Excuse me Catherine. I think I need to head home. I think I am going to continue my drinking in the privacy of my own home. If you care to join me. That's fine too. I do have Drambuie in stock at my house along with some of my favorite Scotch. I can introduce you to my cats, Cat, and Tawny. How about it."

"That's fine Jim." Said Catherine who was extremely worried about her close friend especially after his confession.

Author's note. Sorry It took me so long to up date. The room I have my computer is currently with air conditioner. Also I was hit with a mild case of writer's block.

Thanks you to all who have reviewed this and my previous story.


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